Stay Away from Me, Barnabas Collins

I saw Dark Shadows with Rachael over the weekend, and it was probably the worst movie I’ve seen this year. Rachael told me it was based on an old soap opera from the 70’s, which explains the strange blend of funny moments, soap-opera drama, and creepy or supernatural effects. There were multiple scenes that I think could have been left on the editing room floor, and most of the funny parts were in the trailer (which is a personal pet peeve of mine). The story begins in the 1790’s when Barnabas breaks his servant Angelique’s heart after he finds his one true love, Josette. Angelique curses him to be a vampire and kills Josette, but their love is so strong (apparently) that she is reincarnated as Victoria, a girl who comes to Collinwood just before Barnabas is released from his coffin in 1972. The whole time I was watching I didn’t understand Barnabas’ motivation; his relationship with Josette/ Victoria was so shallow that I didn’t understand why he dumped Angelique so hard in the first place.  There was a moment at the end where I thought Barnabas was going to realize that he had loved Angelique all along, which would have been beyond stupid. At least the movie didn’t stoop to that, but the ending was still very unsatisfying.

My advice to you would be to save your money and just watch the trailer, because basically you’ll get to see most of the funny parts for free, and without any of the awkwardness or disjointed story.

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